Divorce is rarely easy, but it doesn’t always have to be adversarial. For spouses who are willing to work together to resolve their differences, mediated divorce can offer a more amicable and cost-effective alternative to litigation. Rather than arguing their sides in a tense and antagonistic courtroom setting, divorcing spouses may be able to reach mutually acceptable agreement on key issues like property division, child custody, and alimony through mediation.
However, mediated divorce isn’t right for everyone. For spouses in marriages with significant power imbalances or where domestic violence has been a concern, it is likely not an appropriate option. However, for many people, mediation provides a respectful and efficient path to divorce.
How Mediated Divorce Works
In a mediated divorce, you and your spouse meet with a neutral third party—a trained mediator—whose role is to guide you toward agreement on the terms of your divorce. Mediators are often attorneys or retired family law judges. Even though they have a legal background, they do not provide legal advice, represent either of you, or make decisions on divorce issues for you. Instead, the mediator’s role is to facilitate productive discussions, clarify legal and financial issues, and help you find common ground.
You can choose to voluntarily mediate your divorce as long as both of you agree to it. You can begin mediation before or after filing for divorce. The court may also order mediation as a last ditch effort to resolve differences in contested divorce cases. Mediation is confidential and anything discussed during it generally cannot be used later in court should the process break down (with some limited exceptions). This creates a safe environment where both parties can speak candidly and explore solutions without fear of legal repercussions.
Mediation typically begins with a consultation where the mediator explains how the process works and gathers background information. Sessions may be in person or virtual depending on the mediator and your wishes. In these sessions, you’ll discuss the issues between you and consider possible solutions.
Once you agree on issues, the terms will be incorporated into a settlement agreement. Your divorce lawyers will help draft and review the agreement. Once it is formalized, it can be submitted to the court for approval as part of an uncontested divorce.
The Benefits of Mediation in Divorce
Mediated divorce offers several advantages over traditional litigation, including allowing for greater control, more cost-effectiveness, and a faster resolution.
Greater Control
In a litigated divorce, a judge makes the final decisions, and neither party may be fully satisfied with the outcome. In mediation, divorcing spouses retain control over all decisions. This leads to customized solutions that can better reflect the family’s unique needs and circumstances.
Cost-Effectiveness
Divorce litigation can be expensive, with attorney fees, court costs, and expert witness expenses quickly adding up. Mediation is generally far less costly. Since both spouses share the cost of a single mediator and resolve issues outside the courtroom, they can often save significant money.
Faster Resolution
Court schedules are often backlogged, and contested divorces can take months—or even years—to resolve. Mediation typically proceeds on the couple’s timetable and can lead to resolution in a matter of weeks or a few months. How long your mediated divorce takes will depend on the complexity of the issues and the level of cooperation between you.
Less Conflict
Mediation encourages cooperation and communication. This can reduce hostility and make post-divorce co-parenting more successful. A peaceful divorce sets the stage for a healthier family dynamic moving forward.
Confidentiality
Unlike court proceedings, which are a matter of public record, mediation is private. Sensitive financial information and personal details remain confidential, giving both parties a sense of security and discretion.
What to Look for in a Mediator
All mediators are not created equal. Choosing the right one can be critical to the success of your mediated divorce. Here are key qualities and credentials to consider:
- Experience in family law — Look for a mediator with a background in family law. This ensures they understand New Jersey’s legal requirements and can guide discussions accordingly. They should also be knowledgeable about the types of issues you need to resolve.
- Training — Seek a mediator with formal mediation training from a reputable program. In New Jersey, the Administrative Office of the Courts (AOC) maintains a roster of approved mediators who meet specific educational and experience standards.
- Neutrality and impartiality — Your mediator must remain neutral and treat both parties fairly throughout the process. They should facilitate balanced discussions and ensure that neither party dominates the conversation.
- Communication skills — An effective mediator is a skilled communicator and active listener. They should be able to de-escalate conflict, manage difficult emotions, and keep the discussion focused on practical solutions.
When selecting a mediator, review testimonials and ask for references to ensure the mediator is experienced and has a reputation for adhering to ethical standards. A reputable mediator should be transparent about their process, fees, and role in your divorce.
Additionally, be sure you click in personality with mediators you are considering. If you or your spouse are uncomfortable with someone, it may be best to keep looking.
Why You Should Consult with an Attorney Before Mediation
While a mediator can facilitate agreement, they cannot provide legal advice to either party. That’s why it is essential to consult with your own family law attorney. Ideally, you should do this before starting mediation, and certainly before signing any agreement.
Your attorney will help you understand the issues to negotiate and educate you about your legal rights and responsibilities for such. They will help you prepare for mediation sessions, including advising you about what you may need to bring to these meetings. Once agreement is reached, your lawyer will ensure the terms are fair and in your best interests.
Having legal guidance can also help you feel more confident and informed during negotiations, especially when complex financial or custody issues are involved.
Call An Experienced New Jersey Law Firm for Legal Guidance When You Are Divorcing
Mediation is not a substitute for legal counsel. If you’re considering divorce, contact [MFR] Men’s & Fathers’ Rights Divorce Lawyers today at (201) 880-9770. We can help you understand the divorce process, including whether mediation is a viable option for your case, and guide you through the process with clarity and confidence.
