What does amicable divorce really mean? First, let’s start with what it does not mean. It does not mean you have to be best friends with your spouse while going through the divorce process or give in to them on issues that are most important to you, simply to be cooperative. It does mean that you have to be respectful of each other and be willing to compromise, because you most likely will not get everything you want exactly as you want it when it comes to dividing assets, child custody, alimony, and other issues of divorce. An amicable divorce means that you are both going into the process with the mindset that you are willing to give up a little in order to reach settlement. And that you will treat each other civilly.
When you can agree on all the issues, your divorce is uncontested and you can provide your marital settlement agreement to the court for approval. You and your soon-to-be-ex spouse make the decisions in an uncontested divorce, rather than a judge making them for you. If you are able to work together to find solutions to end your marriage instead of fighting and bickering and refusing to compromise, you can save yourself stress, time, and money—not to mention potentially lessening negative impacts on your children.
HOW TO DIVORCE AMICABLY
The reality is that amicable divorce does not mean that there are no hard feelings between you and your spouse. After all, you have a history together, and the marriage to the person you thought would be your life partner is ending for a reason. So there may well be animosity and hurt feelings between you, but you have to try and put that aside during the process. Even if you are truly on friendly terms, there may be issues that you are having a difficult time coming to agreement on.
Here are some tips that may help you as you work to achieve an amicable divorce:
- Stay focused on your goal of reaching settlement and moving on with your life.
- Be polite during negotiations and resist the urge to “one up” your spouse.
- Set boundaries by limiting your interactions with your spouse and sticking to necessary topics, such as the kids, when conversing outside of divorce negotiations.
- Do not bad-mouth your spouse to other people or in front of your children.
- Work out a way of communicating with your spouse that allows you to think about what you say before you say it—this might be through text or email—whatever works best for both of you to keep negative reactions and emotions under control.
- Get mental health counseling for yourself if needed, to help you heal and navigate the divorce ahead.
You might also consider mediation alongside with your attorneys if you are at a stalemate on some of the issues. A mediator may be able to help you arrive at a solution that works for you both.
HOW DOES DIVORCE MEDIATION WORK?
In divorce mediation, a third party — who may be an attorney, psychologist, religious leader or other trained person — meets with spouses, listens to both sides, and guides them toward agreement. The mediator is neutral and does not represent or favor either spouse. A mediator will not make decisions for you, and they cannot provide legal advice; you will need a divorce attorney to get legal advice. The role of a divorce mediator is to help couples reach settlements.
Mediation isn’t always successful, but it can be worth trying for spouses who have the goal of divorcing amicably so they can stay out of divorce court. Even if there is just one issue that you and your spouse are stuck on, a mediator may be able to help you reach resolution.
WHAT IF THERE IS SIMPLY TOO MUCH ANGER BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE?
Divorcing amicably to reach a settlement agreement is a positive goal to pursue. The majority of divorces are resolved behind closed doors through settlement rather than in dramatic courtroom scenes as seen in movies and on television. For couples who are successful, coming to agreement between themselves can make the bumpy and stressful divorce process significantly smoother. An amicable divorce can also make interacting with each other in the future easier and more agreeable, which can be especially beneficial if you have children together.
Sometimes, though, it is just not possible to divorce amicably because anger and contention are too high between spouses. Some spouses may be unable to even be in the same room together, let alone sit down at a negotiating table to try and compromise on issues. In these situations, the issues will need to be decided in the court by New Jersey judges. And spouses who bring their anger to court and are argumentative or disrespectful to their spouses in hearings will not score any points with the judge, and may hurt their own case.
CONTACT AN EXPERIENCED NEW JERSEY DIVORCE LAWYER FOR HELP
When you are going through divorce, we can help you understand all the steps involved in the process so that you are prepared to navigate them in a more agreeable manner. We are your buffers between you and your spouse and you and your spouse’s attorney. We will work hard to help you negotiate a settlement that is advantageous to you and fair to your spouse. Our goal is to help individuals end their marriages with the least amount of stress and conflict possible, and toward that end we always treat all parties involved in divorce cases with respect and courtesy. While we provide assertive representation to help clients get the best outcomes, we are never rude to the opposing side.
To arrange a confidential case evaluation with an experienced New Jersey divorce attorney, call [MFR] Men’s & Fathers’ Rights Divorce Lawyers at (201) 880-9770. We practice exclusively in divorce and related family law areas and have a strong background in helping clients successfully navigate both uncontested divorce and contested divorce processes. You can trust us to provide well-informed and effective legal representation.
