A divorce is more than just a complicated legal proceeding; it is always much deeper than that for most people. A divorce is a very emotional transition in life. When you come out on the other side of the divorce, you often feel like a completely different person.
For this reason, many people will spend an extended amount of time pretending that things are not as bad as they are. However, facing the reality that a divorce is inevitable can cause relief, fear, anxiety, excitement, and many other emotions.
At Men’s and Fathers’ Rights Divorce Lawyers (MFR), we are committed to helping individuals who have decided to divorce. However, if you are considering a divorce, but have not yet decided that is the right path for you, this guide will help you to evaluate how to decide to divorce.
Ways We Pretend
Building up to your divorce, you might pretend everything is OK. This can happen even when things have already started to go badly. People often pretend everything is OK because they know divorce is an entirely life-altering event.
Divorce should not be taken lightly, because it will heavily affect your life, your partner’s life, the life of any children involved, and friends and family. There will essentially be no part of your life that will be untouched by your divorce.
Regardless of how serious the decision is, though, divorce is still the right choice in many instances. Everyone just wants to live a better life. Let’s look at ways people sometimes pretend things are OK when they are not.
Ignoring Money Problems
Many marriage issues start over money. Money can be a huge factor in a marriage. Money carries with it a sense of security and power. These are two deeply rooted ideas that come packaged with many emotions for people.
This is why money can trigger big fights and even lead to the breakdown of a marriage. You should not ignore financial red flags. Some of these red flags can include the following:
- Money being used for manipulation
- Money being used to give or take power from a partner
- Money being wasted to the point of damage to the joint finances
- Illegal activity with money.
Some spouses are so desperate to keep the marriage intact that they will even ignore infidelity. However, suppose a partner needs to be more faithful to your wedding vows in the way you need and require. In that case, it is a sign of a significantly damaged marriage or a sign that, for the other partner, the marriage commitment has already been dissolved.
Abuse can come in many different forms in a marriage. Physical abuse is not the only form of wrong and damaging abuse. Other forms of abuse can sometimes be even worse because they are subtle, which can often lead to the abuse continuing unchecked for long periods. Other forms of abuse can include:
- Sexual abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Financial abuse.
- Coercive Control
Neglect can sometimes be considered a form of abuse, but it is important to know that neglect can be a serious problem in a marriage. Forms of neglect can include:
- Emotional neglect
- Financial neglect
- Physical neglect (when a spouse is in charge of physically caring for a partner).
Ignoring Your Own Mental & Physical Health
Not every divorce is the result of infidelity, abuse, neglect, or money problems. Unfortunately, marriages often dissolve simply because two people do not love each other or are not having their needs met in the way they need them to be met in the marriage.
When this starts to happen, it can be very easy to ignore your own mental and physical health and well-being. You don’t feel that you have any solid reason, in the same way someone does when cheated on or abused.
But that does not mean you are in a good, healthy marriage. Just because it is not really bad, it does not, by default, make it good. Being stuck in a bad marriage can take a devastating toll on your mental health over time.
People have emotional needs; and when those needs go unfulfilled, it will result in mental and physical health issues. Therefore, if your mental health is being affected negatively by your marriage, you need to start considering your other options.
Making the Decision to Divorce
Usually, men ask themselves “How do I know when to leave a marriage?” The attorneys at MFR provide a unique service to men considering or facing a divorce.
Men’s rights are our particular area ofdevotion. Many men are scared to pursue a divorce because they fear that their rights will not be protected or advocated for during the divorce. They fear that they will lose their children. They fear that because they don’t know how to ‘start over’ or that it’s uncomfortable, it’s easier to live miserably. They fear that they will be homeless (not true). They fear that they will be alone forever (not true either). They fear things will never be the same (true because things will improve inevitably!)
All these fears, and especially those around the children are especially troubling if children are involved. There is often unfair prejudice and unconscious bias against men during divorce or child custody cases. We wish that wasn’t the case and even the law is opposite of that notion. However, we all live in the real world. So, we will be your advocate during this difficult time.
We will bring our years of experience, resources, tools, and knowledge to your defense to ensure that you can come out on the other side of your divorce in a positive way.
Let Us Help During this Difficult Time
Divorce has far-reaching effects on everyone involved, but most people only look at the negative which definitely sucks for a short period of time. But, as with most things in life, time does move on, and things do settle down and get much better. Most of our clients report that they never dreamed that they could be living their best life at the time they were struggling with the idea of divorce, but alas, here they are!
It is no secret that when parents choose to divorce, the children are affected. Again, not necessarily in a bad way. The change will be unsettling for a bit, but we want to do everything possible to lessen any period of time that there would be an adverse impactso finding legal help to advocate for you professionally and effectively is crucial. We can give some good tips to help your children get through this as unscathed as possible.
As family law attorneys, we believe strongly that every party deserves justice and to live a better life if they are not doing that now, regardless of gender. When a husband’s or father’s rights are not advocated for or respected, it can result in lopsided custody decisions that can have a long-lasting effects on a child-parent relationship.
We help men and fathers navigate their legal processes with confidence and fairness. We can do this by acting as a guide through the often confusing legal system, presenting you with a course of action that will be in your best interest and the best interests of your children.
If you are considering divorce, please contact us online or call at (201) 880-9770 today.