Finding out your spouse has been unfaithful is emotionally devastating. You likely are experiencing strong feelings of anger, hurt, and rejection. Once the initial storm of emotions quiets a bit over the shock of discovering infidelity, you may be wondering what to do next
While infidelity is a marital eye-opener, it doesn’t have to culminate in divorce. Some couples eventually find a way to clear the air and start over, sometimes even building stronger relationships. But for other couples, cheating means the end of the road. The breakdown of trust can be too much for the spouse who was cheated on to get over.
WHAT TO DO AFTER FINDING OUT YOUR SPOUSE HAS BEEN UNFAITHFUL
Emotions can govern the day when infidelity is uncovered. You may want to keep the discovery confidential temporarily until you’ve had a chance to sort out some of your feelings. Before confronting your spouse, it can be beneficial to collect physical evidence of their cheating. If you have children, you will also need to consider them. You may wish to speak with a New Jersey family law attorney for supportive guidance.
COLLECT EVIDENCE OF SPOUSAL INFIDELITY
Some people have suspicions that their spouses are unfaithful and actively investigate to find out the truth. Other people learn of infidelity by accident. No matter how you discovered the infidelity in your marriage, you should gather any available evidence.
Email messages, text messages, voice messages, and comments and images posted to a spouse’s social media pages may hold evidence of cheating. Unfaithful spouses afraid of being caught often work hard to erase any proof of marital misbehavior by trying to delete their digital footprints, which means you should preserve the evidence you come across by taking screenshots and/or photographs as soon as possible. Credit card statements or receipts with hotel and dinner charges that can’t be explained could be evidence.
It isn’t unusual for spouses who are caught cheating to deny the allegations. When you have evidence in hand, they won’t be able to get away with their denial, which can spark an honest conversation about your future—whether it is together or apart.
Should you end up divorcing, this evidence may also be valuable to your case. For example, if your spouse has spent a significant amount of money on the person they are seeing and in doing so reduced marital assets, this might be factored into property division. Or it may make sense to divorce on the fault ground of adultery, depending on the circumstances, in which case you will need strong evidence.
SPEAK WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Before confronting your spouse consider talking with a professional counselor or even a close and trusted friend or family member who can help you crystalize your thoughts about what you want to do. Do you want a divorce, a trial separation, or do you want to try and repair the relationship? The conversation with your spouse may not go your way, but having a goal can help keep you focused, rather than prone to making an impulsive decision.
Speak with your spouse in a quiet and private place where you will not be interrupted. If you have children, keep the conversation away from them. Try and stay as calm and unemotional as you can throughout, although it may not be easy.
CONSIDER YOUR CHILDREN
The news of a parent’s infidelity is not something children want to know about or, if they are young, can even understand. It is an adult problem with adult solutions, which could include marital counseling if you wish to salvage the marriage. In other situations, divorce may be the best path to take. In any case, do not speak negatively about the other parent to children or in front of them. Do not post on social media about your spouse’s cheating, because your children may see it. Keep the issues in your relationship as private as possible while also ensuring you have needed emotional support.
SEEK COUNSELING WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR SPOUSE
One way to gain mental health support in a confidential setting is by speaking with a professional therapist. You may do so on your own. You and your spouse might also enter into marriage counseling together if you want to save the relationship. For marriage counseling to be successful, both of you must be committed to making the marriage work.
SHOULD I SPEAK WITH A NEW JERSEY LAWYER AFTER DISCOVERING INFIDELITY?
Another resource after discovering infidelity in your marriage is the counsel of an experienced lawyer. An attorney’s honest, empathetic, and straightforward advice can be comforting at this stressful and confusing time. Statistics do show that many people who cheat on their spouses do so more than once, but this is not the case for everyone. Sometimes issues that led to cheating can be worked through.
When they cannot be and separation or divorce is on the horizon, your lawyer will ensure your rights and interests are protected when it comes to dividing assets and debts, child custody, child support, and alimony payments if spousal support will be a concern in your divorce.
CONTACT OUR EXPERIENCED NEW JERSEY LAWYERS TO DISCUSS WHAT TO DO AFTER DISCOVERING INFIDELITY
Finding out that the person you loved, trusted, and vowed to spend your life with is cheating on you is extremely hard to take. When you have supportive parties in your life to turn to, you can better navigate what to do after discovering infidelity. At [MFR] Men’s & Fathers’ Rights Divorce Lawyers, our New Jersey attorneys are here to discuss your options for what is next and to safeguard your interests if you wish to end your marriage.
We have decades of combined legal experience successfully assisting clients through all the issues of family law. To speak with an attorney, contact our law firm today at (201) 880-9770 to schedule a confidential consultation.
