Call Us TodayThere’s no denying how difficult your life can be if you end up married to a narcissistic person and going through a divorce in New Jersey with this type of individual can be even more difficult. You may constantly feel off balance throughout the divorce because you cannot predict what your narcissistic wife will say or do next to get what she wants.
If you want out of your marriage to a narcissist, it is beneficial for you to get help from a divorce attorney first who has experience helping people navigate high-conflict divorces where one of the spouses has a personality disorder (or several combined personality disorders) They will understand the steps to take to help smooth the process as much as possible.
What is Narcissism?
“Narcissistic personality” is defined as displaying any lack of empathy toward others, as well as showing signs of being self-centered, arrogant, demanding, manipulative, and showing blatant disregard for the truth. Individuals known to suffer from this personality disorder are 100% certain that they always deserve special treatment from everyone.
If they do not receive the admiration and attention they need and expect, they can make life miserable for those around them. According to the Mayo Clinic, narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females. However, people of either sex can be narcissists.
Some other personality disorders in addition to Narcissism, include, but not limited to:
- Depressed personality disorder – these have different variations or levels;
- Hystrianic personality disorder – people who are very dramatic and have attention-seeking behavior; they often bury the main lead with details and focus on minutia;
- Borderline personality disorder – they love you until they hate you; things are black and white. This is a push or pull relationship dynamic.
- Anti-Social personality disorder – they have a problem adhering to rules or orders; often late showing up and blame you for almost everything that goes wrong.
What to Know If You Are Married to a Female Narcissist
Female narcissists are very much like male narcissists in that they may come off as very charismatic and even charming while in public, but all that changes behind closed doors when facts conflict with their perspectives or desires.
Although males make up the majority of society’s narcissists, there are certain female stereotypes that downplay or mask their narcissistic tendencies. When a woman displays haughty or selfish behavior, many men may simply assume she’s a “diva” or “daddy’s girl.” Men are much less likely to report any kind of physical or emotional abuse because they feel shame, and they may excuse the poor behavior.
Female Narcissistic Traits
The following are some of the most common traits associated with female narcissists:
- They’re typically very sexually seductive and attractive.
- They tend to be wealthy but don’t have lucrative careers or proportionate education.
- They tend to contact the police on a frequent basis after baiting their husbands into arguments or without a reasonable cause.
- They may have had multiple children from multiple husbands.
- Like male narcissists, many female narcissists idealize or “love-bomb” by seducing their targets extremely quickly.
- Similar to male narcissists, the female narcissist may stonewall her husband, give the silent treatment, or withhold sex for no apparent reason.
- Female narcissists tend to utilize their children as tools for their manipulation, even when the husband does all the work around the house and does the majority of childcare.
- Like a male narcissist, the female narcissist will potentially cheat (with no moral conscience).
- She may be willing to commit financial crimes and is overly concerned with the financial security of her husband.
Female Narcissists are all about Drama
Female narcissists tend to be consistently bored; and although they may say they hate drama, they may constantly bait their husbands into unsubstantiated fights within no-win scenarios.
Narcissists love seeing their partners fall apart, which is why they love to cause harm. They may lie often and play psychological games with their partners in order to confuse them and to appease their constant desire for excitement.
What ends up typically happening is that husbands simply get tired of engaging in their wives’ drama and choose to leave the marriage. However, this is when a female narcissist may try to utilize divorce litigation and the legal system in a highly contentious manner as a form of punishment.
What Happens When You Divorce a Narcissistic Wife?
Going through a divorce settlement with a narcissistic wife can be a constant struggle. You may notice that when one issue is resolved ,the narcissist pulls up another issue right away to keep the drama rolling. Even if these issues aren’t large, she may try to turn them into major problems that cause unnecessary concern and litigation time.
Stages of Divorcing a Narcissist
If there is any possibility of mediating or negotiating a settlement without going to court, you will save yourself a lot of time and trouble. But staying out of court is often not possible when divorcing a narcissist. You can expect that each stage of the divorce process—from the initial filing of paperwork to the resolution of issues involving property, children, alimony, and other concerns — will be especially difficult when you are seeking to free yourself from a narcissistic wife.
Your spouse may try to delay or obstruct proceedings, bad-mouth you in order to damage your reputation or to try and sway the court to her side, and use other deliberate tactics to remind you that she has the upper hand—or believes that she does. She may try to get your children to take sides against you.
There are a few important considerations and tips that a husband and/or father can keep in mind to make the process a little bit easier, including the following:
Always Keep Your Children’s Best Interests In Mind
When you are going through a divorce, the court will work with both parties to construct a settlement that is in the best interests of the family’s children. When you work with our family law firm, we will help you in emphasizing the need to bring stability to your children’s lives and to prioritize their needs first.
If your children are old enough, they’ll potentially be able to help explain the differences between your wife’s public and private behavior so a New Jersey judge can better understand the situation you find yourself in.
Giving in to Your Wife’s Demands Won’t Help
It is, of course, necessary to compromise and let go of certain issues in order to come to a fair settlement for both parties, but you can’t forget that narcissists truly believe that they are entitled to their own way without any reciprocity. She may honestly believe that it’s your responsibility to give in to her demands, which can always make divorce negotiation really difficult.
It’s sometimes difficult to do so, but you must always remain calm and allow your divorce attorney to support your position with valid evidence that counters her egotistical manipulations.
Limit Communication With Your Wife
Let your attorney handle communications whenever possible. When you must communicate with your wife, do so in writing if you can, such as through email or texts; but you have to be stragetic about what you say and how you say it. Believe it or not, our attorneys can help you with that particularly. You will save yourself from great angst in the future if implement this philogosphy immediately. This will not only give you time to think about what you say, but also help prevent an angry or emotional outburst from you, and it a record of your conversations to use in Court if need be. If you must speak to her directly, try to stick to the topic at hand and don’t let her take you down a rabbit hole.
Let Go of Your Emotions
It’s always a good strategy to let go of any feelings that are overwhelming you during a divorce settlement, especially with a narcissist. A narcissistic woman will undoubtedly put on a performance and try to come off as the “victim” of the failed marriage, and they’ll want to try to make you feel as though you’re a horrible person for initiating the divorce or failing them or that you are a bad parent. It’s important to block these acts out and know that you truly are a good person and parent no matter what she says.
Hold onto the Truth
Your narcissistic wife will most likely try hard to manipulate you and control the situation, so you have to remain focused on the facts of your divorce settlement. You can’t be drawn into any emotional dishonesty she may display. Holding firmly to the facts will always help you when it comes to achieving what you want the most out of a settlement, such as child custody or visitation rights.
Reach Out to a Hackensack Men’s Rights Attorney for Confidential Guidance on Divorcing a Narcissistic Wife in NJ
If you’re concerned that you may be going through a divorce with a woman that displays signs of being a narcissist or who has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, contact [MFR] Men’s & Fathers’ Rights Divorce Lawyers for help.
We will guide you through the entire divorce process while always keeping your rights and the interests of your children at heart. This includes ensuring that your divorce decree includes very specific and clear language so your ex doesn’t have any wiggle room to get around the letter of the order.
There’s a good chance that she’ll try to do so, and we’ll be there to help you stop the persistent machinations and dramatics. Call us at (201) 880-9770 to arrange a confidential case evaluation. Once we understand your situation, we can help you devise an effective divorce strategy.
Carrie S. Schultz, Esq. – author
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