While the end of a marriage can bring relief to spouses, it can bring uncertainty and upheaval to children. Children do not always understand what is happening or why divorcing will be better than staying married. They may act out, withdraw, or become clingy. The way a child experiences and copes with divorce depends on a number of factors, including their age, personality, and the circumstances surrounding the marriage break up.
Emotional and Psychological Effects
Your child may struggle with a wide range of feelings, including confusion, sadness, anger, fear, and guilt. These emotions are especially intense in the early stages of divorce when the family structure begins to shift.
Young children often do not really understand what is going on. They may wonder if they did something wrong to cause it and blame themselves. This misunderstanding can make them feel guilty and worried. They can become fearful of not seeing a parent again, leading to separation anxiety.
Older children and teenagers may have a clearer understanding of divorce but still feel anger or resentment. They may align with one parent over the other or feel caught in the middle of conflicts. Adolescents may also struggle with issues of trust and stability, causing changes in their self-esteem or outlook on relationships.
In some cases, the prolonged exposure to parental fighting and conflict, or the emotional fallout from divorce can contribute to kids experiencing mental health challenges such as depression or even physical illness. It’s important for parents to be aware of these reactions and seek professional help when needed.
Behavioral and Social Changes
Divorce can also affect a child’s behavior and social development. Some children may begin wetting the bed or throwing tantrums. Others may behave defiantly or aggressively at home or school. They may become withdrawn or uncomfortable in social situations or have a hard time making new friends.
Sometimes children become overly responsible for their ages. They may attempt to take on care of younger siblings or try to support parents emotionally. While this may seem like maturity, assuming adult-like responsibilities prematurely can mean your child is under stress.
Academic Performance and Focus
The emotional distress and upheaval of divorce can interfere with a child’s ability to concentrate in school or complete homework, causing grades to plummet.
School-age children, who may have to move regularly between households depending on the custody and visitation agreement, can struggle with their disrupted routines. These logistical challenges can lead to missed assignments, tardiness, or absenteeism. Teenagers may become disengaged from their studies entirely, viewing school as unimportant compared to the stress they are experiencing at home.
Additionally, changes in living arrangements and the possible financial strain from separation and divorce may reduce a child’s ability to take part in the extracurricular activities they once enjoyed. These losses can have long-term consequences academically and personally.
How Parents Can Reduce the Effects of Divorce on Children
If you are like most parents, you want your children to navigate the divorce in the best way possible. Following are things you can do to help reduce divorce’s negative impacts.
Minimize Conflict and Communicate Respectfully
One of the most damaging aspects of divorce for children is ongoing parental conflict. Children exposed to frequent hostility between parents may feel unsafe or forced to take sides. According to mental health professionals, children in high-conflict divorces often have poorer outcomes in how they adjust going forward.
While this can sometimes feel easier said than done, you should communicate calmly and respectfully with your spouse, especially when children are present. If direct communication is too difficult, ask your attorney to communicate about legal issues. For day-to-day concerns about children, consider texting rather than speaking directly. There are also co-parenting apps that can be used to discuss children’s needs.
Maintain Routines and Stability
Children thrive on structure and predictability, especially during times of change. Maintaining consistent routines—such as regular bedtimes, mealtimes, and homework schedules—can provide a reassuring sense of normalcy.
If children are moving between two households, clear schedules and routines can help them adjust more smoothly. Maintaining consistency in rules, expectations, and discipline between homes is also important, even if parenting styles differ slightly.
Encourage Open and Age-Appropriate Communication
Children need honest but age-appropriate explanations about the divorce. Hiding the truth or providing overly detailed or adult-centered accounts can cause confusion or fear. It’s best to deliver clear, simple messages that emphasize love and reassurance.
Let your child know that it’s okay to be sad, angry, or confused, and that you’re available to listen. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent, as this can not only damage your child’s self-esteem, it can also cause them to be angry at the other parent, or at you for speaking that way.
Seek Professional Support When Needed
Counseling or therapy can be highly beneficial for children struggling to adjust after a divorce. Therapists trained in child development and family dynamics can help children process their emotions in a safe and constructive way. Family counseling can also help parents improve communication and co-parenting skills.
Your family law attorney can guide you about specialized support your child may need if your divorce involves substance abuse, neglect, or domestic violence.
Foster a Positive Co-Parenting Relationship
Successful co-parenting involves collaboration, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to working together in your child’s best interests. This means supporting the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Creating a parenting plan that outlines schedules, responsibilities, and communication guidelines can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflict. Our law firm can assist with drafting an agreement focused on your child’s best interests.
REACH OUT FOR SUPPORTIVE GUIDANCE WHEN YOU ARE DIVORCING
Children experience all kinds of reactions to divorce, from fear and anger to withdrawal and self-isolation. If left unaddressed, effects of divorce may carry through the rest of their lives. As family law attorneys, we consider how divorce affects everyone, including children. With decades of combined experience in this area, our team understands the nuances of family dynamics and works to help our clients create a foundation for emotionally healthy children post-divorce. If you are facing a divorce and are concerned about its impact on your children, we are here to help with child-focused guidance.
Call the New Jersey law firm of [MFR] Men’s & Fathers’ Rights Divorce Lawyers today at (201) 880-9770 or reach out to us online to schedule a confidential consultation.
